JAWS! In the Hospital
by Kidalana
Summary: The combine efforts of Beverly, Vulcan Princess, Kit Anika-Wildmage and Trisana with the beta help from Beverly’s sisters. Beverly, Vulcan Princess, Kit Anika-Wildmage and Trisana proudly present… JAWS! In the Hospital (a survivor spoof)
1. Introduction

Introduction

Kit: If I hear 1, just 1 crack about the candy bar, someone is gonna get hurt, understand? Okay, just checking (and don't even get me **started **about flamers)!

Kat: Well if your not confused… keep reading… if you are (poor you)… keep reading!

* * *

No outside contact (except for the camera crew and such…). Battles of wits… strength… creativity… but what ever you do, don't open the elevator… 'cause it's JAWS! In the Hospital 

30 contestants, four months, and only one winner. For our contestants we have…

Ulrich!

He's from Code: Lyoko and is a first timer here with everyone else.

Clover!

From the Totally Spies branch, if you totally get what I mean, ya know?

Odd!

Yes he is, also from Code: Lyoko and First timer too.

Aelita!

Code: Lyoko's little pink haired angel.

Jeremie!

Every show needs a computer genius… here's Code: Lyoko's and ours (for the time being).

Yumi!

From Code: Lyoko, new to this too.

Kirk!

Is a jerk! No, I'm just kidding you. This captain's from Star Trek (The Original Series) and just can't wait for me to shut up!

Alex!

Another Spy from Totally Spies, oh wait, did I just say that?

Cyborg!

From the Teen Titans, he's half teen, half robot, all **_booyah!_**

Sam!

From Totally Spies, Jeremie's mirror image genius… but let's not get into mirror images 'because here's…

Kat!

Same as Ulrich, just kidding! Just because she's blind doesn't mean she's any worse at soccer folks!

Robin!

Leader of the Teen Titans, also new to this.

Raven!

Raven glares at the announcer and says, "Leave me alone."

No sorry, wrong Raven!

From That's so Raven and of whom the authors know nothing about!

Don't forget…

Raven!

Raven glares at the announcer, again and says, "Please, leave me alone."

Raven glares at Raven and says, "Girl, I'll get my air time!"

Well ignoring the fact she wants to be left alone, she's from Teen Titans.

Yugi!

From Yu-Gi-Oh! And yes he's got the millennium puzzle, Marik does _not_ have it.

Starfire!

Alien princess from the planet Tamiran, also a Teen Titan.

Aragon!

Actually Argon, yes we made an element into a character! You people thought we actually would put him in here?

Announcer's statement is met with silence.

Okay, okay, he's in here, for now… Oh, he's from Lord of the Rings.

Blackfire!

Starfire's sister who we've brought back for this!

Beast Boy!

From the Teen Titans, BB's the changeling sidekick we all love to kick! Speaking of animal shape shifters, here's...

Kit!

A Yu Yu Hakusho character that can transform into animals, with the help of her genetic wild magic. And let's not forget her demon side...

Yuka!

The kitsune that has a death wish on our next contestant...

Kidalana!

The lovable red-haired Silvan elf from the Two Towers Role Playing game.

Kidalana turns to the camera and smiles.

Hiei!

Our resident fire demon and, err, assassin, with an artificial third jagan eye.

Hiei glares at the announcer and says "Hn, why am I here you ningen fool?"

Kit whispers to Hiei "You're here to make sure Yuka doesn't kill anyone, mainly Kidalana."

Hiei replies to Kit "Well you plainly picked the wrong person to do that."

And that's why we have our next contestant...

Cassidi!

An original Yu-Gi-Oh character by Kitsune Dragon Girl, Cassidi will do her best to keep the other players from killing each other with her lovely skill of exorcism! Also on the anti-death team is...

Kurama!

The Yu Yu Hakusho red-head with the power over plants. And let's give a warm welcome to...

Yoko!

Kurama's former self, and Yuka's older brother.

Jin!

Also from Yu Yu Hakusho, Jin is the wind master with an Irish accent that few can understand at times. When this happens, Kit will serve as translator at those points.

Sam!

No, we have not introduced her already! She's from Stargate: SG-1 and is a blonde!

Jack!

A General in the SGC, from everyone's favorite… MACGYVER!

Announcer pauses.

Oh, sorry… I meant to say STARGATE: SG-1!

But we'll add in…

MacGyver!

Just for kicks. And gueese where he's from... MacGyver.

Well folks we're all out of time for today so… cross your fingers and wait and see!

* * *

Kit: Well, those are our contestants, tune in next time for the next episode of JAWS! In The Hospital!

Kat: Later! Review now, please?


	2. Teams

Note: Soon two of the authors (KAW and BVP) will be off on a choir trip, and BVP is the one who posts these so... DON'T DIE ON US! KAWKit Anika- Wildmage

To the reviewers... erm... reviewER:

**northernlight33**-Thank you for being the first and that shal go down in history! Thanks also for giving the shark a name, and when he'll show up? Eventully.

* * *

JAWS! In the Hospital

Episode 2

Teams

* * *

"Ready kids?" The announcer smiled.

Raven rolled her eyes.

Everyone was saying good bye to friends and family, something about four months in a hospital made everyone want to do that.

"After you say goodbye, you'll be told your first challenge!" The announcer deserves to die, thought Blackfire.

Sam and Jack said goodbye to Daniel and Teal'c. Daniel said something about Anubis and they all laughed.

Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Raven talked with Blackfire. Yugi walked by Daniel to say goodbye to his grandfather, Tea and Joey. Tristan couldn't make it, they said.

Aragon said his good-byes to Arwen. Legolas and Gimli were around too, also wishing Aragon luck. Kirk was Kirk, McCoy and Spock had shown up and Clover was looking around the room.

Raven Baxter said good-bye to Chelsea.

Hiei sat in a tree, while Kurama and Kit said goodbye to Yusuke, Keiko, Botan Yukina, Toyua, and everyone else. Kit had to tape Jin's pointy ears down because they were wiggling so much she was scared they would poke an eye out. So he levitated and pouted for a bit. Kurama saw Yuka trying to mangle Kidalana, and set a mutant plant on her. That calmed her down.

Jerry had shown up and was talking with Sam, Alex and Clover. Clover obviously had her mind somewhere else. MacGyver was talking to Kidalana, something about a stick of chewing gum.

Yoko watched Yuka's attempt on Kidalana's life and felt so proud of his younger sister. Being the greatest theif in Demon World, murder was part of his job decription. She had gotten so close that time! Cassidi said her fairwell's to Bakura, Kiba, Yami, and the rest of the gang while Yugi said his.

The announcer stepped onto his box, "Hello contestants! Welcome one and all!"

"It's going to be a long day," Kidalana told MacGyver, he nodded in agreement.

"We have humans, elves, half demons, demons… we do have demons?"

Kurama, Jin, Yuka, and Yoko began whistling, and Hiei 'Hn'ed. Kit sighed and nodded a 'yes' to the announcer.

"Okay, that's a yes on the demons! Let's move on, shall we?"

Jeremie rolled his eyes, what possessed him to agree?

"As everyone knows the winner gets to take home one million dollars and this Sony TV."

Odd was in for the set, possibly, MacGyver had nothing better to do.

"Everyone will be in a team there are six teams of five and the names have been randomly chosen!"

Clover cheered.

"All rightie then, Red team consists of Ulrich, Jin, Jack, Sam, the one with the red hair, and Kat! You folks go over to the Winn Dixie."

Red team moved to sit on the benches in front of the Winn Dixie.

"Orange team! You are Jeremie, Kirk, Kurama, Aelita and Raven!" Please go to the Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Both Ravens stood confused.

"Baxter," the announcer paused, "Cyborg, Beast Boy, Clover, Raven and Hiei you are the yellow team, go to the Verizon store!"

Orange team left for the benches by Bed, Bath and Beyond as Yellow team left for the Verizon store.

"Green team go to The Discovery Store, you are Robin, Yoko, Yumi, Kit and Sam."

Green team walked off to the benches.

"Blue team will be at CVS, Yugi, Blackfire, Yuka, Kidalana and Cassidi, go forth and have fun, save some markers for the rest of us!"

Blue team walked off into CVS.

"Odd, Aragon, MacGyver, Alex and Starfire, you are the purple team and get to be at the Baskin Robins!"

Purple team walked off.

A blue note was found in CVS by Yugi. He read it, "'Look for the T-shirts'" Blue team set out to find their T-shirts in CVS.

Purple team caught on and searched the Baskin Robins. Eventually everyone was searching their respective stores.

"Winn Dixie is huge," Ulrich complained.

"Hey! I found it!" Kat called to her team mates. Jack was first over.

"Those are pink."

"Oh. Never mind! It's not my fault can't see."

Jack nodded, "Okay, well, every time you think you've found it tell us."

Red team continued their search.

"What is this?" Inquired Starfire, "They are T-shirt shaped, look friend MacGyver, the T-shirts!"

MacGyver looked at the box Starfire held, "So you've found the T-shirts, congratulations."

The announcer clapped, "Now for everyone else to find their's—Kat! Watch out for the box!"

Purple team cringed as a box fell on Kat, dumping red shirts on her.

"Found them!" She screamed.

Red and Purple teams stood over with the announcer in the center of the floor, all wearing their shirts over their clothes.

Yugi passed a box to Yuka, Yuka passed it to Blackfire, and Blackfire glared at the tape and opened the box. Kidalana looked anxiously over Blackfire's shoulder.

"More inflatable chairs," Cassidi said.

Kidalana got a deflated chair from the box.

She started inflating it.

Yugi rolled his eyes.

"Found it!" Beast Boy screamed.

Cyborg ran over and looked in at all the yellow shirts, "Good job."

Yellow team joined the others, also wearing their shirts.

"I can't believe this," Complained Raven.

"Found it!" Jeremie and Yuka chorused.

Orange team and Blue team joined the others.

"Now for green team," The announcer said.

Robin was tearing the place apart, no luck at all, Sam was systematically checking everywhere. Yoko was on top of the aisles opening boxes and pushing them off, Kit caught them and searched, no luck there either.

Yoko pushed one box off without opening it, Kit didn't catch it. The box landed on Yumi's foot.

"Ow!" She screamed, she opened the box and pulled out a green T-shirt, "And Bingo was his name-o!"

The announcer applauded, "Congratulations."

Kidalana finished inflating her chair, in it sat a blue envelope.

Kidalana picked up the envelope and sat in the chair, "This it just too cliché," she announced.

* * *

Kat: Well tata folks!

Kit: You know the drill!

Kat: Fifty laps around the hospital unless you review!

Kit: When we start that?


	3. The first real chalenge?

BVP: Hey people! Trisana now has a fanfiction account! It's trisana with a lowercase t. Sam from Totally Spies is Sam and Sam from Stargate is Carter now, to avoid confusion. Raven from That's So Raven is Raven Baxter and Raven from Teen Titans is Raven, to also avoid confusion.

Kidalana unfolds the note and reads it aloud, "Contestants, your next challenge is to decorate your rooms—decorate our rooms? What kind of challenge is that? Decorate our rooms?—using only… one-thousand dollars."

Laughter from Raven Baxter is heard as she says, "I can get a bed with that much."

"Rules out the nuclear reactor," MacGyver adds, bitterly.

Sam sighs and says, "There goes the computer."

"You can still get one," Kit tells Sam, "Just monitors and keyboards don't lay in the garbage."

"So powering the nightlight with naquada will not be a good idea," Carter adds.

Raven shrugs and walks to the announcer, "Can I have my money now?" A blonde woman appears carrying envelopes, all different colors, each with a name.

The Blonde approaches the group, smiling. "Okay, who's Aelita?"

Aelita steps forward and the blonde hands her an orange envelope, "Alex and Aragon?" The two step forward and accept their purple envelopes.

Beast Boy gets a yellow envelope, of which he hugs, Blackfire and Cassidi all get blue envelopes and Clover, Cyborg and Hiei get yellow. Then the blonde calls the person next on the list.

"Brigadier General John O'Neill?" She says, unsure, "Why such a long name?"

"That's the military for you," Jack replies, accepting his red envelope, "And besides it's 'Why such a long name _sir_'."

"My apologies, sir!" The Blonde says, saluting Jack while Carter and Kidalana are laughing so hard they're turning blue.

Jack smiles a sly grin and says, "I don't usually waste time on formalities like that with civvies," he pauses and then says, "Unless they just bug me."

By now Sam is leaning on the wall she's laughing so hard and Kidalana's flat on her back, with the announcer wondering if she's still breathing.

The blonde continues her choppy routine, bright red. "Admiral James Tiberius Kirk? Do you have a nickname?" She hands him and orange envelope. "Jeremie," she passes his orange envelope to him without a second thought, "Jin," she gives Jin a second look as she passes him a red envelope, "Kat," Kat walks up and the blonde holds out a red envelope, "Kat, hello, your envelope.

She stops and waves her hand in front of Kat's face, Kat blinks then reaches out for her envelope. The blonde gives it to her, offended.

"She's blind," Ulrich whispers into her ear.

The blonde gasps and then squeaks out, "Kid Alana?" No one comes forward.

"How thick can one person be," Kidalana whispers to MacGyver. She then walks up to the blonde, "It's _Kidalana_ not Kid Alana."

The blonde smiles sweetly and passes Kidalana a blue envelope, "Kitten! I mean Kit! Sorry," Kit walks up and snatches her green envelope from the blonde.

"My name's NOT KITTEN! I HATE it when people call me that!" she yells, and stomps off, fuming mad.

The rest of the cast blinks in surprise. Kit seems like a nice girl. "What was that all about?" MacGyver asks. Jin just laughs.

"Ya see, ever since I met 'er, Kit has hated bein' called Kitten. She'll get madder than a cat in a rainstor' every time ye do it too! Lotsa fun before a sparrin' match it is." But unfortunately he says this so fast, no one understands him.

"Uhh...Kit? What did he say again?" Cassidi calls over to her angered best friend.

"HE SAID I HATE TO BE CALLED KITTEN BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY JUST TO GET ME MAD BEFORE WE SPAR SO I'LL FIGHT HARDER! Happy now?" she yells back.

"Yeah, thanks for clearing that up." Jack responds.

The blonde just wants to sit in a corner and cry, but continues, "Kurama." He gets an orange envelope.

"Mac—Mc—McDonald? No no, MacGyver!" MacGyver receives a purple envelope. "Odd! What an Odd name." She passes him a purple envelope while Ulrich repeats what she said.

Bright red she calls Raven for her envelope, both come rushing to her, one with more eagerness than the other.

"Money," Raven says in a flat voice.

"I'd never get this much for allowance, when do I get more!" Raven practically tries to tear her envelope from the Blonde's hands, "Who are you anyways?"

The blonde smiles and says, "Lay."

"Lay? As in Lays potato chips," Beast Boy opens his mouth and says. With the whole group starring at him he adds, "Sorry? Um… nice name."

Lay passes an orange envelope to Raven Baxter and a yellow one to Raven. Robin receives a green envelope and the blonde calls the last name that's shared.

"Sam," The blonde-Lay-consults her list again, "Sorry, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter?"

Kidalana struggles to hid amusement as Carter walks up to the blonde to get her green envelope. Lay shrinks back, thinking Carter will do the same Jack did.

Lay regains her confidence and calls the next Sam and gives her a red envelope.

"Starfire." Starfire walks over with an ice cream cone in each hand.

"Here friend Lay," she says, handing the blonde an ice cream cone and taking her purple envelope.

Ulrich gets a red envelope and Yoko gets a green. Yugi and Yuka both get blue. Yumi is called and also receives a green.

Yoko remarks snidely shortly after he receives his envelope, "Heh, who's the blonde? She's kinda hot..."

"Oh, my..." the blonde responds, blushing like mad, "It's nice to meet the contestants, but really I must-" Yoko is before her in an instant, tracing her cheek (KAW: the one on her face, mind you) with one clawed finger.

"What do you say we blow this whole show thing? I could steal a million dollars anyway, if you want. Just you and me babe, out in the woods, alone. Sound good?" He doesn't get his answer, because at that moment, a thorny, whip like vine was around his neck, pulling him away from the innocent woman.

"That's enough Yoko! Leave her ALONE!" a female voice screams.

"Damn it Kit! Why can't you just leave me and the nice hot woman be for once?" he retorts as he's being dragged away.

"Umm...actually, I'm over here," Kit says, who was indeed standing ten feet away from her former brother.

"Then who's...? YUKA! LET ME GO THIS INSTANT, SISTER!" Yoko roars in anger. By now, all the other contestants were sweating like mad.

"Tch. Yeah right. And if I did that, you would have gone on a rampage and no girl would be safe. I may be a seductress, but I draw the line at some areas, Bro. Deal with it." Yuka responds as she drags a struggling Yoko far away to who knows where.

"...Aright then, that was a bit strange." the announcer finally speaks. Jin, Odd, and Beast Boy are laughing their heads off. The blonde, however, is hysterical.

"Things like this aren't in my contract!" she wails. "That's it, I QUIT! WAHAHA!" And with that, she runs off the set to some unknown place. Of course, this just makes the guys laugh harder.

"Well, it seems we're going to need a new lovely assistant, to well, assist." the announcer says quite plainly. Turning to the contestants, he asks, "Anyone want the job?" No one's hands go up. Kit and Cassidi exchange glances, and then evil smirks.

"Hey, if you give us a few hours, we can get one and possibly some new contestants,

even." Cassidi says dangerously. So dangerously even, people become scared.

"Well okay then, why not. Let me know when they're here." the announcer cheerfully concludes. "But now let's move on to the room decorating!"

"We're all going to die." Raven (TT) responds, and several think she might just be right about that.

Starfire, always the optimist, just _has_ to comment. "Now, sister, do not be so morose! Let us get to our duty of decorating!" At this point she rushes into Baskin Robin's and returns with a vanilla ice cream cone. She presents it to Raven Baxter (trisana: No, I didn't get confuzzled. Star did.), "To cheer you up, my friend!"

Raven Baxter looks at the ice cream cone, clearly confused. "Girl, I only like _chocolate_," and following this pronouncement, she downs the soft serve dessert in one bite.

Meanwhile, the other contestants are looking in their envelopes. Shouts of discontent fill the hospital. "Hey!" "The show cheated!" "I got gypped!" "There's only $500 in here!" "Damn it!" Ulrich begins to cry.

As the shouts grow into an all-out riot, Leela, an alien switched at birth from _Futurama_ stomps out. "Here's your damn money," she growls and passes out more envelopes. Ulrich uses his to blow his nose.

Yoko _can't _resist. "You're kinda hot," he tells Leela.

The response is, "Touch me and die as-"

"C'mon, let's keep it clean, kids," MacGyver says as he steps between Yoko and Leela. She stomps out, leaving a fairly, well, extremely, to tell you the truth, disappointed Yoko behind.


End file.
